This Is A Test, Right?


kidsUsually, I try to help out as much as possible. Most posts involve me telling you a problem I’ve encountered or that I’ve heard about and how I would approach it. For some reason, people seem to listen and follow my advice. I have no professional designation that makes this true, but I guess people think, “well, he’s lasted this long…he must know something.” This post will prove that I DO NOT have the answers. This post is just me shouting out into the ether “what…in the world…is wrong with these children.”

potatoMy son has the attention span of a potato. We’ve talked about whether or not he might have some sort of clinical issue like ADHD that might cause him to be unable to pay attention but there’s a lot of evidence that it’s pretty based on whether or not he cares in the least.

This past Tuesday, my son awoke from his nap (he’s 4.5 and still naps, it’s the reason we’ve made it this far) and was playing with “his” iPad (his post nap routine) when I told him that he had to get ready for gymnastics, something he truly loves. I handed him a pair of socks, a pair of shorts and a pair of pants. I asked him to put on the socks and shorts and then put his pants on OVER the shorts (for a quick change at the gym) and then I left the room to put together his stuff for class.

I returned to find him clad in one sock and a pair of pants. His shorts lay beside him as he watched Big Hero 6. I get it, it’s hard to focus when there’s robots. I told him that he needed to have his shorts on under his pants. “Oh, right.. right.. right.. ok daddy.” He began to remove his pants and I headed to the kitchen to pack his snacks and water.

I returned to find that he’d sorted out the great sock conundrum by REMOVING the one sock he was wearing. He now wore his pants and his shorts lay by his side…again. This time I was a later more forceful. “Buddy, you need to put your shorts on, under your pants.” “Oh…ok… yes, yes…ok.” I waited until he had started to put his shorts on before I left the room this time.

When I came back I was thrilled to find that my son had decided that socks might in fact be necessary. And his shorts no longer lay by his side. No, now he was waving them around like some sort of background dancer in a bad 90’s R&B pool party music video.

My wife knows someone who is really struggling with her kid getting ready for school in the morning. It’s tantrum city as soon as she tries to get him going and the battle ensues for the entire ride to school. She works a night shift occasionally and one particular day, after coming home at 7am from working a 12 hour shift, she found her son calmly putting on his clothes for school. He put his boots on, his jacket, grabbed his backpack and agreeably made his way to the car.

Once in the car, he seemed perfectly calm, cool and collected. The mother was overcome with joy that finally her son was willing and able to behave and not try to destroy her life on his way to school. She pulled into the school parking lot to find it empty and that’s when her son dropped the bomb.


Kids, am I right?